Friday, October 14, 2016

I Am Not Ashamed


With all the revelations about Hillary Clinton's abuses of people, power, and resources under her control, as well as the allegations about Trump's sexual escapades thirty years ago, I feel the time is right for me to come forward and reveal what I know to the press.

I'd like to thank the editors here at the North Texas Drifter for giving me a platform so that the truth may finally come to light.

All righty then, here it is. I was sexually ignored by all of them. As a young man, I stalked Melania and Huma without mercy until the protective order was issued. My cards and letters were returned unopened. There was no response to my email for four years. Finally, I received a missive from the Department of Homeland Security telling me to cease and desist. I wanted to, but I could not stop. From that point on, I sent fruit baskets to Trump Tower and the White House every Christmas. Not once did I receive a thank-you note.

You have to admit, some of those women working for Hillary are pretty hot and Donald Trump's women are some of the most beautiful women in the universe except for that fat one in that beauty pageant thirty years ago.

Why don't they go for me? Because I have no money. I have considered declaring myself a PAC and throwing myself on the mercy of the welfare state but then I'd have to start answering the phone.

Well, if you've ever been ignored like I have been ignored, then you know how it feels. It's cold and lonely here as an independent voter.

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